Nested Dolls (8)

Nested dolls. Seven in all. Little women with smaller souls inside.

Carol was drunk again. It was 2 am and the television was on mute. The little apartment smelled of stale beer and a cat’s litter box. Carol held the nested dolls all gathered and contained within the first doll, the largest.

The first doll was a woman, old and gray. A kerchief, red, wrapped her head. She wore glasses like Mother Goose and flashed a smile with twinkling eyes. On the lapel of her shirt the word “momma” was stiched.

Carol brushed aside a lock of hair from her face, wrapping it around her ear. Her face was without emotion and her eyes were red from drink and crying. Carol grasped the doll and with a twist opened it and found the doll’s daughter inside.

With Carol’s help, the second doll floated out of her shell. She was younger than the first, though not by much. Her salt and pepper hair seemed strangely sexy and her smile was more wry than bright. Her kerchief was blue and her glasses were thick and black. No word adorned her lapel. Her secrets were vast and deep.

Carol eyed this doll for a long time, then quickly twisted her open to reveal the next.

The third doll was droll, with half closed eyes and darker hair. Her kerchief was green and seemed out of place and her glasses were missing. She had no smile, but no frown either. She terrified Carol. Her lapel said “more.”

Quickly Carol went to doll four, smaller still. She had a straight line for a smile and two dots for eyes. Her hair was indistinguishable and covered with a bright yellow scarf. On the lapel of her shirt the word “impossible” could be made out. A scratch along her side had removed the paint and suggested violence.

Carol desperately wanted a drink, or someone to sleep with in her lonely bed. She longed at the moment for human compassion and companionship. She longed for the touch of a lover who could comfort her or care enough to try to keep her sober. She longed for days of work and nights of sleep. She felt her name should be “impossible” and wished she could be a doll within a doll.

The next doll, number five, began to look small. Instead of eyes she had sunglasses and her black hair was covered by a gray bandanna. Her mouth was turned down, ever so slightly. She was the sad sister of the group and Carol kissed her softly before twisting her open and revealing doll six.

On her lapel was stitched “nothing.” The mouth was turned down into a disapproving sneer and her eyes were turned up, furrowing her brow. Carol feared this doll and its black bandanna. But carol feared more the smaller doll inside this just larger one. with forefingers and thumb she grasped the ends of doll six and pulled. Out slid doll seven, very tiny and more menacing still. It seemed a small lozenge, a pill of death.

Doll seven wore no kerchief. She had no eyes and no face, just lips shaped in an upside down U. She wore a simple dress suggesting modesty or perhaps lust. She had no word on her lapel, but Carol was convinced her name was mystery.

Seven dolls scattered to and fro. The whole exercise of opening the dolls and investigating them took its toll on Carol. Barely awake she plopped down on the bed and fell asleep. For a moment at least she stopped thinking.

But later, Carol dreamed. She saw the nested dolls come alive. They encircled her, danced around her. At that moment she felt alive again. They celebrated her and their liberation. Then then rested, like her, falling asleep just before dawn.

When Carol awoke the room was steamy and only half lit as ancient shades held back the healing sunlight. Her neighbors were arguing, which is to say the man was beating the woman. The room seemed smaller than the night before. The nested dolls lay scattered around Carol on the bed and floor. In her sleep, she had rolled over and cracked the largest, the one marked “momma.”

Carol stood and remembered nothing of the previous night, or of her dreams, or of the dolls. Her mind buzzed and was empty. She found vodka by her bed and began a new day of drinking. The first swallow was sweetest to her and cleared her mind. Hopefully today would be her last.